Diary of a Desperate Exmoor Woman

So, a few people have been in touch asking if I could post up an autumn detox. When I’ve overdone it (last last week, for example) I usually just shrug it off and get back to my normal eating. I know the things that don’t suit my body – sugar, wheat, alcohol, heavy rich fried foods – and so I just cut them out again and start to feel a whole bunch better.

But a lot of people like to follow a plan. So, here’s one of my favourite autumn cleanses, based on ayurveda. I like it for this time of year because it's warming. As we prepare for colder weather, it's best not to chill the body with lots of cold juices and frigid salads. Think warming, comforting, soothing.

Ayurveda has a whole science of detox – known as panchakarma. It was designed as a potent revitalization and rejuvenation program and was taken by ancient Indian princes three or four times a year. If you get the chance to do a full panchakarma, grab it with both hands. It’s not just wishful thinking: the ghee, sesame oil, massage and heat treatments of panchakarma loosen lipid peroxides (free radicals which cause cell damage), which are then eliminated in the weeks after detox. In addition, panchakarma has been found to "significantly" lower stress and anxiety, to improve cardiovascular health and to scavenge other kinds of free radicals which cause ageing and disease.

This is a very modified version of panchakarma but it will still have a profound effect on body, mind and soul.

If you possibly can, get hold of the ayurvedic preparations Trikatu and Triphala. Follow the instructions on the product you buy (I like Pukka herbs products). You should expect your bowels to become quite loose while undergoing this detox. However if this becomes extreme or uncomfortable, reduce your intake of Triphala.

Although the major part of this detox does fall over the weekend, you will need to start preparing mid-week so it’s not too much of a shock to your system.

Wednesday

Start the day with about two fluid ounces of warmed, liquefied ghee. Swallow it quickly (it doesn’t taste unpleasant, just strange) then suck a piece of orange to take away the oiliness in your mouth. Taking ghee internally in this way prepares the body for your detox, loosening ama (toxins) from the body.

Thursday

Start the day with ghee as for Wednesday. You can follow it with a mug of hot water and freshly squeezed lemon which will help your bowels to move.

Eat your usual meals throughout the day but try to keep them light and avoid rich, heavy foods. Avoid alcohol and any sugar. Keep away from fried food or junk food.

Boil up four large glasses of fresh water and keep in a thermos–sip the hot water throughout the day. This will help to release ama. In addition you can drink another four glasses of water that has been kept at room temperature (don’t drink very cold water–it stops the digestion). As you won’t be drinking tea or coffee (or alcohol) you may want to find something to take its place–try herbal teas or freshly squeezed vegetable juice.

Before you go to bed, have a warm (not hot) aromatherapy bath with your choice of oil (juniperberry, vetivert or eucalyptus). Take Triphala with lots of warm water.

Friday

Again, start with liquefied ghee. Follow with a mug of hot water and freshly squeezed lemon.

Eat a light diet today. Cut out heavy proteins such as meat, cheese, eggs and milk. If you drink tea or coffee you can continue up until the end of your working day, but cut down your intake.

As yesterday, drink eight large glasses of mineral water–at least four should be hot.

Avoid salt and sugar.

Breakfast could be fruit compote; stewed fruit; fruit salad; oatmeal porridge made with water and served with nuts and seeds (plus a little maple syrup if you like – yes, it’s sugar but it’s not too bad).

For lunch choose something like steamed vegetables with a little lean chicken or fish or tofu.

After each meal take Trikatu.

Prepare yourself a light supper: a bowl of vegetable soup or dhal and basmati rice. Eat it as early as possible-around 6pm is ideal.

If you want a hot drink from now on, choose herbal tea (make sure it’s caffeine free), ginger tea or hot water.

Take Triphala with lots of warm water before bed.

Saturday

On waking, have a mug of hot water and freshly squeezed lemon (tip: prepare a thermos just before you go to bed and keep it by the side of your bed).

For breakfast gently stew some seasonal fruits (eg apple, pear, raisins). Add a mug of herbal or spiced tea. Finish with Trikatu.

Lunch is a small bowl of kichadi. Chew each mouthful mindfully. Take Trikatu.

Make sure you drink at least eight glasses of water throughout the day (remember, don’t drink cold liquids with your meal). If you can drink it hot, so much the better. If not, make sure it is room temperature rather than straight from the fridge or tap.

Mid-afternoon you can have some fruit (either fresh or gently stewed). Or a handful of nuts and seeds.

Eat your supper at around 6pm. Once again, have a light meal of kichadi followed by Trikatu.

Don’t forget the Triphala before bed.

Sunday

Have your usual hot water and lemon on rising.

For breakfast have stewed fruit and herbal/spiced tea followed by Trikatu.

For lunch have kichadi followed by Trikatu.

Remember to drink your warm water throughout the day.

Have your evening meal at around 6pm. Once again have kichadi and Trikatu

Have an early night. Triphala as before.

Monday

Have your usual hot water and lemon juice.

Breakfast as for Saturday and Sunday.

Today you can return to a more varied diet but don’t race into it. Stick to vegetable soup for lunch or maybe a light pasta with vegetable sauce. Follow meals with Trikatu.

Continue to drink warm water. Avoid coffee and tea, sodas and alcohol. Herbal teas should be your substitute.

Supper should be light–vegetable risotto or paella, root vegetable stew, soup, pasta. Try to avoid meat as it’s hard to digest. Steer clear of dairy for the same reason. Bread is also difficult to digest–if you must have it, toast it. Follow it with Triphala as before.

After Ayurvedic Detox

You may be able to take longer for your home detox. If so, that’s great and you can safely repeat the guidelines for Saturday and Sunday for as long as feels comfortable.

Whether you just do the weekend or continue for a longer detox make sure you ease yourself gently back into normal living. In other words, don’t suddenly start eating a full diet (packed with meat, dairy, stodge); drinking alcohol and coffee; staying up late etc. Your system won’t know what’s hit it.

It’s all safe to continue on a regular basis–except the internal taking of ghee, the ayurvedic preparations (Triphala and Trikatu) and the very modified diet.

There are a whole bunch of things you can do to support yourself while on detox – I’ll post some more over the next few days (if I can remember!).

I’ll also put up a Cheat’s Detox. J

For longer detoxes see my book The Detox Plan which also gives lots of advice on supporting therapies and DIY tips for home detoxing

For more on ayurveda see my book Live Well - how to work out your prakruti (mind-body type) and how to adjust your diet, exercise and lifestyle to suit your individual type.

This post is getting too long - I'll post recipes for ghee and kichadi on a separate post.

Okay, so here are the recipes for the autumn ayurvedic detox.

Ghee

Ghee is basically clarified butter and very simple to make (or you can be really lazy and buy it ready made). You will need unsalted organic butter.

Put the butter in a small pan and cook over a gentle heat.
Let it reach boiling point when it will become transparent and a white foam will appear on top.
Allow to boil quietly for about 15 minutes–you will know when it’s ready because it will turn a lovely soft golden colour and white curds will separate out from the clear oil. The boiling will quieten down and become almost still. It’s ready. Be careful not to let it burn or turn brown.
Filter it through a muslin (drugstores usually sell them in the baby department) or let it cool until the solid curds settle at the bottom.
Store the clear ghee (discard the curds) in a clean (boil it first) glass jar that can be closed firmly. It will now keep pretty much indefinitely–in or out of the fridge. It may melt but that won’t affect it in any way.

It occurs to me that vegans won’t want to use ghee. Coconut oil would be a suitable substitute – although not ideal as it’s cooling in its effects, and would aggravate vata (air) types.

Kichadi

Kichadi (also known as kitcheri and a host of other spellings) is a simple rice and mung dhal stew with spices and vegetables added. It’s really simple to make and is a bit of a moveable feast. It is quite bland, so you may want to jazz it up with more veg. I’ve listed a few additions that have specific healing properties.

Use around 30g of basmati rice and 15g of mung beans per person.

* Mix the rice and beans together and wash in cold water.

* Melt a tablespoon of ghee (see above) in a pan and add half a teaspoon each of fennel, cumin and coriander seeds. Cook for a minute or two.

* Add half a teaspoon each of powdered ginger and turmeric plus the drained beans and rice. Allow them to become well coated with the ghee and then add enough water to cover the ingredients with a few inches to spare.

* Bring to the boil then cover and simmer gently, stirring occasionally, making sure the mixture does not dry out or stick. It should take about an hour to cook.

* If you wish, you can add seasonal vegetables (see below). Root vegetables will need cooking from the beginning (add at stage 3) while leafy vegetables can be added towards the end of your cooking time.

The following additions will help particular conditions:

to tone the reproductive organs and promote fertility: add quarter of a teaspoon of fenugreek seeds; 4 neem leaves (fresh if possible); a pinch of hing; one onion; 2-3 cups of fresh asparagus.
to strengthen the lungs: add two medium sweet potatoes, one onion, four cloves of garlic plus small amounts of hing, cardomom, dry ginger and peppercorns.
to strengthen digestion: add half a teaspoon of turmeric, one teaspoon of oregano, one teaspoon of grated ginger, three cups of fresh vegetables (carrots, squash, courgettes).

Anyhow. I don’t always get what I want but I often get exactly what I need. So yesterday I found myself driving towards the sea to Braunton. You know how much I love Hands On– it’s a small yet impeccable natural health clinic with a truly lovely float room. Oh, and you know how much I love floating. J

My good friend (also a wonderful therapist) Nicki Hughes had sent me a gift voucher for a float, and then Phil said he’d throw in a massage for good measure (my friends are so generous).

Massage isn’t really the right word for what Phil does though. It’s more of a body/mind/soul fix. I hadn’t realised just how much tension I was holding, and in the weirdest places – my ankles, for pity’s sake? The backs of my knees? My jaw? Okay, so the last one wasn’t so much of a surprise. He’s not just a great technician but a true healer and, as my session drew to a close, I could start to feel my energy reawaken. Just the faintest tingle. And the pain in my chest had lessened. Just a little.

Then I cocooned myself in a bathrobe and walked in a delightful daze to the float room. You have to float, you just have to float. It’s not claustrophobic, I promise. It’s just…heaven.

So I lay back, let the water hold me, and gazed at the starry sky for a few moments before turning out the lights and letting myself drift in the darkness. Now Nicki won’t float (well, not yet) because she says she doesn’t like being alone with her thoughts. To which I’d answer – which thoughts?

Floating is the perfect form of meditation. Your breathing is amplified and so it’s simplicity itself to focus on it – inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. And then, at some point between now and then, here and there, you just – vanish.

And then, I must have fallen asleep (when did I get so tired?). And then, very loudly, right in my right ear, a voice shouts, ‘Boo!’ And I start awake, thinking someone’s come into the room. But then I recognise the voice. It’s my own. I’m playing hide and seek with myself in the vastness of the cosmos. And I start to laugh. All by myself in a float chamber in Braunton, not touching the sides. All by myself floating huge as universes, not touching the stars. Starfishing through space and time. Birthing aeons. Biting my tale. New skin for the old ceremony. This is where I belong, this is where it all makes sense, I think, before laughing at myself again and dropping the stupidity of thought.

And then the music begins. And coming back is so hard.

It’s official. My son is now the responsible adult in our relationship. J

It’s been coming for a while, quite a long while really. In fact, way back when he was a child, that A.A.Milne poem always had a resonance...You know the one...

"James James
Morrison Morrison
Weatherby George Dupree
Took great
Care of his Mother,
Though he was only three..."

‘You’re just not aware, Mother,’ he said, with a furrow of the brow, when we somewhere or other. I laughed. I love it when he calls me ‘Mother’ in that fake disapproving way.

‘You haven’t got a clue, have you?’ he went on.

‘Nope. Absolutely none whatsoever,’ I said with a grin. ‘Though,’ I added. ‘Be fair. If I need to step up to the mark, I will.’

‘Fair play,’ he said.

But then, the other night, Kate and I set off for our walk in the woods. It’s supposed to be a power walk; we’re supposed to march and sweat as a warm-up for our kettlebell session in the garden. But, as we walked towards the steps, we looked at one another and Kate said, ‘Let’s leave the walking poles, huh? I haven’t seen you for ages. Let’s just walk.’

So we just walked. Well, okay, I hauled her up the Chimney, so it was more of a climb. And we broke out onto the hillfort and I introduced her to my tree and she told me about her tree (as you do) and we meandered along through the woods, past the camp and onto the Middle Path and then, when we came down to the river, Kate looked at me and I looked back at Kate and she said. ‘This is just too nice. Sod kettlebells. Why don’t we just carry on walking?’

So we cut down to Marsh Bridge, over the bridge with the Maltese crosses, and climbed up and up towards the Trig Point. And dusk started falling, and the pheasants got themselves all in a panic, stupid birds. And an owl hooted. And the hedgerows rustled. And the moon rose up. Just a sliver, a meagre slice.

http://photographyblogger.net

I love walking at night. The darkness is soft and soothing. There’s not so much to see but plenty to hear and scent and feel. So, by the time we got back to the house, I was feeling pretty good.

Until we met James, standing at the door, hands on hips.

‘Where have you been?’

‘Er…in the woods.’

‘It’s dark! You’ve been gone for hours. Dad has gone out to find you.’

‘What?’

‘Why didn’t you take your phone? You could have been lying with a broken leg in a ditch.’

‘But, but…I was with Kate. I wasn’t going to be eaten by wild dogs.’

But he wasn’t having it, not at all. Kate and I looked at one another; we shuffled from foot to foot. We giggled a bit like naughty schoolgirls and James stomped off in disgust as I lit up the candles and incense.

But, as we sat and sipped our herbal tea, I thought about it. Of course I had been perfectly safe but he had been worried. And that wasn't fair or right. I went into the breakfast room, where he was doing his homework.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘It was thoughtless. I should have taken my phone and I should have called.’

He nodded. ‘It’s what you always say to me.’

‘This is true.’

And we had a hug and he looked mollified and went back to his work. Though I swear I heard him muttering under his breath. ‘Mothers.’

Back in the day, I used to go to several gigs a week but now I’m lucky if I get to see one a year. Jane whisks me off, of course, from time to time but she tends to favour big stadiums or vast Mancunian fields. And, really, I much prefer smaller, more intimate venues. Like the Exmoor Beastro,in fact.

The Beastro is a café/restaurant/whatever in Dulverton. The owners are passionate, nay – evangelical - about good food and drink, and champion artisanal producers. It’s getting a bit of a name for itself on Exmoor – not just because the food is fabulous but because the whole atmosphere is so damn good - easygoing, laid-back, supremely friendly. Adrian loves it, and is frequently tugged inside by co-owner Alex to try some new beer or dip or whatever.

Anyhow, a couple of days ago, Adrian came back and said, ‘The Beastro have got some singer-songwriter performing. Sounds like your kind of thing.’ And, although the night was sold-out, Alex said they could squeeze me in and so off I went.

‘Are you going on your own?’ said Adrian.

‘Sure,’ I said. Because, really, it never bothers me. I spent years doing it in London when I used to review theatre and bands and films and stuff. It was all well and good when one had tickets to the National Theatre or the Marquee or whatever – but when you were being dispatched to listen to some band in a room above a back street boozer at the end of the Central Line, one’s friends seemed to…well…vanish.

The courtyard had been turned into a sort of Arabesque tent for the night – with twinkling lights and heat blasting out from the wood-fired oven. It all looked...quite magical.

The music was great too. Mike June. Unaffected troubadour. Jess Klein. Fabulous voice, the kind that rummages around in your solar plexus. Great sound system too (Alex used to work in the music business – he knows his stuff). But hey, my reviewing days are gone. Have a listen for yourself.

There was great food too. Ribs for the meat-eaters, and a superfood salad for me. Fresh crunchy bread with home-made hummus. Olives and pickles. All in all, a damn fine evening . Musicians are having a tough time of it nowadays (maybe even tougher than journalists) so it's good to support live music. And it's good to buy a CD too. So I did.

The Beastro promise lots more live gigs so keep an ear out. You can find them on Facebook here.

What next? Well, Jack Savoretti would be good. Thea Gilmore wouldn't be bad. Or maybe this guy...who I heard playing in a Polish garden.

I didn’t tell you about my silent retreat in London, did I? Jane was going away and so I said I’d cat-sit (a feral cat decided, about a year ago, that Jane needed taking in hand and so moved herself in). She’s called Prue (short for Dear Prudence Xanthe Antigone Isis Zampa-Narford). She is, quite possibly, the plainest cat in the world, with unfortunate markings that give her a faintly Hitler-esque air. I click my heels when I see her which makes Jane roll her eyebrows (of course she thinks DP is the most beautiful cat in the world. Truly love IS blind.)

Usually when I go to London it’s full-on busy. I will often have a pile of work commitments and I catch up with old friends. Then I will take myself off to see movies or exhibitions or just wander around the streets at night, remembering the old days.

This time I spent the week entirely alone. I didn’t speak to a soul. And, sometimes, maybe, you need to do that. Well, I do. Everyone’s different, of course but I go a bit nuts if I don’t have time alone. Blame it on being an INFP or an INFJ – I wobble between the two.

The Myers-Briggs personality type indicator was something I came across years ago, when I was studying Jung. Jung reckoned there were four principal functions by which we experience the world – sensation, intuition, feeling, and thinking. And that we expressed those in either an introverted or an extroverted way.

I wrote about this a bit in Spirit of the Home(as one’s dominant function will show very clearly in the way one chooses and designs, or not, one’s home). Two Jungian scholars, Katharine Cook Briggs, and her daughter, Isabel Briggs Myers, took Jung’s ideas and developed them into an indicator. Is it useful to know? Well, I guess it’s handy if you want to understand what makes someone else tick – and if I were an employer I reckon I’d use it to suss out the best person for a particular job. But, for oneself? I dunno. I guess I just like taking tests (yes, I’ll waste time on those crappy memes about which colour or animal you are, or which Disney princess you’d be. Just kidding on the last one! What? Oh, okay. Mulan).

Anyhow. Apparently I’m an introverted intuitive who feels (rather than thinks). My type/s need time out. Yes, I can turn on the glitz, I can do my party turn when the situation demands. But I don’t seek out sociability for the sake of it. I easily become claustrophobic with people and I easily become bored. But I'm one of the good guys...yeah, really.

So. A week of silence. A week of doing…nothing. It would make a lot of people shudder, I know. Because lots of us get freaked by silence and tremble at being alone. But I figure aloneness is important. If you can’t cope with being by yourself, how can you ever hope to be with others? So many people avoid their own company: they keep busy, they keep talking to fill the silence. They distract themselves with shopping or television, the Internet, whatever. They numb themselves with narcotics. Oops, there goes the J bit (I’m such a judger, huh?).

Anyhow. There we were, Prue and I in London. Lying on the grass. Musing in the candlelight. Lolling in the bath (not together, I hasten to add). Watching worlds inside rain drops. Starfishing on Jane’s delicious memory foam mattress.

I did try to write a bit but Prue wasn’t impressed with that. So I let it be.

See what I mean about the moustache?

Prue? Oh, she’s an ISFJ. What about you?

There are loads of free tests based on the M-B out there. This time round I used this site: http://www.16personalities.com/

Where were we? Oh yes. Sitting alone in Jane’s flat, talking to Prue. Well, you know, for all I like my own company, sometimes I do get a bit lonely. And that week was very very strange. Okay, let's be honest, I was pretty low. But you can't give up, right? You can't just throw in the towel and...give up. Surely, I thought, there is some kind of balance? Some way of living that lies between monastic solitude and…babble?

And then an email pinged in. Would I like to go to a yoga retreat in southern France? I idly clicked on the website and…wow! It looked stunning. Stylish yet in an insouciant, easygoing way. And...yoga and meditation and raw vegan food and sunshine and hammocks and snugly throws and fires and lakes and big baths and and and...

But…but…but… it was only a few weeks away and the calendar was, to my memory, busy, busy, busy. Not with my stuff, I hasten to add, but Adrian’s. And we make a point of always having one or other of us at home with James. So I flicked through the pages of my diary and…well, well, well… that week was totally, perfectly, bizarrely clear. But…but…but…I couldn’t afford the flight. Except…oh my, I was being offered £50 towards travel and…would you believe it, there was a flight from Bristol for…yup… £50.

Now, whether you believe in synchronicity or not; in Fate or not; in pure damn luck or not…there it was. And, really, you can't tell the universe to piss off, can you? It would be rude. So I said Yes. Of course I did. But, by the time I got to Bristol airport I was wondering…why? Why do I keep travelling? Am I just running away? Is it just distraction? Of course. In part. But then again, I try to keep myself open to life, to new experiences, to different places and times and people. It’s too easy to hide away. In the mean time.

So I flew to Toulouse. For, after all, there was nothing to lose. And there, at the airport, was a woman with a sign.

And we drove, fast, far, free…and then we arrived at a small bastide town, plunged down a narrow alleyway and parked by a big high wall by a river. And Gertrud opened a door in the wall and I walked through…into another world, something rather magical. Like Alice tumbling down her rabbit hole. Like Tom waking into his midnight garden. Like Lucy plunging through the fur coats in the wardrobe...

I'll be writing up my full report on Yobaba Lounge for Queen of Retreats but...you know, sometimes it's hard to put things into words so I'm loosening up here.

For the last ten years or so I have had this recurring dream. I am in a large house. It usually starts off being The Old Rectory, the first house we lived in when we moved from London, but then I realise there are parts of it I didn’t know were there. I walk through whole wings, endless bedrooms, hidden corridors, dusty echoing spaces. Firstly I feel overwhelmed. How can I cope with all this? And then comes a feeling of mounting dread. There is some evil hidden away here, something that mustn’t be awoken. The feeling intensifies and it becomes a nightmare – the kind that has one waking with a gasp, heart pounding, scrabbling for the light.

As I walked into Yobaba Lounge I felt a jolt. This place. What was it? Then Gertrud gave me a tour of the whole house and I realised. This was the place in my dream. Or very close. The house is vast, so vast Gertrud isn’t quite sure how many rooms there actually are. ‘I think there were fifty originally,’ she says. ‘But now, since we took out partitions and so on? Who knows?’ Many have been beautifully restored but even more are still slumbering. Some rooms you can’t even access – they are blocked up. How weird is that?

Now I’m fascinated by houses, by homes. So much so that I wrote five books about them (well, six if you include the illustrated version of Spirit of the Home). I firmly believe homes have personalities just as distinct as people’s. Even new homes, brand new places, can’t help but be influenced by the land on which they are built; by their proximity to other places; by the layout of their rooms; by the direction in which they face. The Chinese knew this and developed the art and science of feng shui to explain it. The Indians knew it and developed Vastu Shastra for the same reasons. I could go on, with examples from all the indigenous traditions of the world, but you get the picture.

This one had more than a personality; it had the resonance of a temple. And, as I lay on the hammock, idly gazing back at the house, something struck me. The main part with its three pillars mapped out the Kabbalistic Tree of Life. Ten windows for ten sephiroth. Except…it didn’t quite fit. But then…doh…the bottom sephirah is Malkuth, the Kingdom, the realm of Earth. So, go figure, Malkuth is the Earth, the ground on which the chateau sits. And then it all fitted perfectly. It links neatly with tantric yoga too – with its triangles pointing up (Shiva) and down (Shakti). And I spun it round, so it became three-dimensional and then it became a Merkaba, a divine space-time ship. Oh, I do so love this kind of playful mind game.

This illustration of the Tree of Life shows it pretty clearly. So, Malkuth (Malchut, the bottom red sphere) is in the Earth. Da'at is the 'hidden' sephirah, known as 'Knowledge' - it corresponds with the Abyss that separates the lower spheres from the supernal triangle.

It’s pretty common to look at a house with an eye to the chakras (so downstairs rooms are lively and earthy and need equally punchy earthy colours – vibrant reds and sociable oranges and energising yellows). As you move up to the next floor, more soothing balancing colours come in – blues or greens for sleeping. And up the top, should one have space, is the ideal place for meditation rooms (in shades of violet, indigo or pure white). So, no wonder that Gertrud and Mangalo had placed the yoga shala up at the top of the house – in Kether, the crown chakra – and no wonder it was such a peaceful space, conducive to deep states of meditation.

Does any of this matter? No, not really. Does it have a practical application? Well, only in as far as one could work with the energy of the house, by boosting the energy of certain spaces. But mainly, it’s just cosmic play.

And, oh…my dream house? I found out what had been hiding in the dark corners. Am I brave enough to tell you? I’m not sure.

You know what? Right now I can barely type. My arms feel as if they belong to someone else entirely. Why? Well, Nick, the instructor at my little local gym, had devised me a new set of programmes and today was my first upper body session. I’m using mainly free weights now although he snuck in a killer series on the TRX. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

Anyhow, it’s all good. No, I’m not a masochist, well, not more than anyone else really, but if you want to progress, you have to mix things up. If you carry on doing the same thing, year in, year out, nothing changes.

My routine was fine, nothing wrong with it, and it was keeping me at a base level of fitness. But I wanted even firmer, leaner arms; I wanted a stronger back and abs. So, then, I had to move out of my comfort zone into something…more challenging.

Of course, this goes for anything in life really, not just fitness. But change can be frightening. It’s easy doing what we’ve always done, isn’t it? Sure you can coast and, if you’re happy where you are, doing what you’re doing, then that’s all fine and dandy. But if you’re not…well… You have to try something different.

And that reminded me of a poem Mangalo read out at the end of a yoga class at Yobaba Lounge. I hadn’t heard it before and it made me smile. It’s very simple (as the best things usually are) and it’s uncomfortably true.

So, for all who find themselves in holes…here it is.

There’s a hole in my sidewalk by Portia Nelson

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.”

Age. Ageing. It’s a bugger, huh? So many people I know just accept it as inevitable that, once they hit fifty, it’s pretty much all over save the hovering up after the party. There seems to be this inbuilt sense of inevitability about it all. That that’s it really…one’s body is going to collapse, one’s mind is going to wander (rather than wonder), and that, if one hasn’t achieved one’s goals by now, there’s not much point in even trying.

And you know what? It drives me nuts. I mean, if you really want to retire into your slippers then that’s fine. Your choice. But is it inevitable? Fuck no!

Bridget demonstrating eye washing

One of the things I love about travelling is that I get to meet interesting people and often very inspiring people. Everyone at Yobaba Lounge fell into that category but, in particular, I was entranced by Bridget. Bridget is 89. Now, she didn’t tell me that – she isn’t one of those people who goes round going, ‘I’m [insert venerable age here] you know…’ Why DO people start doing that once they hit a certain age? Some of them do it as if they're faintly surprised they made it this far. Others seem to trot it out as an excuse.

Anyhow. I was feeling a bit washed up myself, truth to tell. But Bridget gave me a big fat wakeup call. She’s nearly forty years older than me and yet…she beats the socks off me at yoga, her eyesight is keener, she’s leaner, her mind is quicker and her knowledge wider.

And it occurred to me that we could all take a few tips from the way Bridget lives. Now, bear in mind this is all just based on what I observed in the week I spent with her and I am probably taking huge liberties…but still…

Life according to Bridget…as I observed it.

1. Sharpen up your eyesight – naturally. ‘Glasses give you arthritis of the eyes,’ she said. She is writing a book on how to heal your eyes and it includes some unusual practices. If anyone is interested, I could do a blog post purely on this.

2. Ditch the alcohol. ‘It’s a deadly poison,’ she said. ‘Not only does it alter your blood sugar but it alters the alignment of your inner bodies.’ And she reckons we should ditch coffee too. ‘Caffeine paralyses the bladder,’ she said. ‘Plus, without it you feel far more awake, more alive – providing you breathe and do yoga.’

3. Practise yoga. Bridget has taught kundalini yoga for years and it shows. She’s supple as heck.

4. Meditate. It’s a no brainer.

5. Eat clean. Vegetarian, ideally vegan. Enjoy your food. Eat mindfully. Don’t stuff yourself and don’t eat too late.

6. Be open-minded and open to new experiences, in body, mind and soul. Have some fun. Don't wear dreary clothes. Sunbathe naked. Chant to the full moon.

7. Then again, stick to your principles. Don't be a pushover. Campaign for change if you feel passionately about something.

8. Be a bit of a rebel.

9. Be passionate about things you love. Be passionate, full stop. In all ways.

10. Contemplate the stars. ‘When we contemplate the stars, we become less materialistic. We live in a very physical world but what we see is an illusion. We need to wake up.’

Poor Asbo.

He is blind. So blind. He turns his head, bewildered, staring around with blank eyes.

He is lost. Almost always so very lost.
He eats. He sleeps. He pisses and shits.
He barks for no reason, none that can be discerned anyhow.

If you were feeling fanciful, you might say he howls into the void.

He licks the sofa. Repeatedly. For hours. Mindless activity? Meditation? Dementia?

If someone shows him affection, he wags his tail. Or he bites them. It depends.

I sit outside. It's a rare sunny autumn day. Pretty beautiful actually. Asbo is trying to find his way back inside. He bats his paw ahead of him, trying the air, feeling for the edge. He takes a step and tries again. And again. He's going the wrong way. Again.

He looks okay from a distance. He's in pretty good shape really, considering. It's only when you get up close you see the dead eyes.

He drives me crazy. He irritates the fuck out of me.

Well, of course he does.

I am Asbo. *smile*

Funny how things come along in bunches, eh? Lately it’s been all about livers. Bunches of livers flocking around me, all wailing and wincing. What an image, huh? Can livers flock? Can they bunch? Can they wail and wince?

A few years back, my GP raised her eyebrows and said my liver was unhappy. Mild understatement really. Bottom line? I was drinking too much alcohol. Now, nobody likes to be told what to do, right? And our psyches have a curious kickback mechanism that makes it tempting to say, ‘Sod that and sod you: if I want to kill myself slowly with liver disease, that’s my choice.’ And of course it is. Though you have to wonder, why are we so self-destructive? Why do we hate our bodies so much?

But, that aside, it’s a bit selfish, huh? Because, of course, our choices affect other people, people who love us. And they have no choice in the matter, do they? Unless it’s to stop loving and that’s easier said than done.

Anyhow. Livers are awesome! They deal with everything that you bung in your body and that you absorb into your body from the environment. They clear the blood of poisonous substances (everything from alcohol to pesticides) that would otherwise build up in the bloodsteam. They absorb these toxins, altering their chemical structure, making them water soluble and then excreting them into the bile. The bile then carries them away from the liver to the intestines whence they are excreted. Clever liver.

The other amazing thing about livers is that they are so damn forgiving. Bless their hearts (can a liver have a heart?), no matter how cruel we are, they will keep try, try, trying. And the good news is that they will regenerate, if you give them the chance. But you need to love them and be kind...just a bit.

In my book The Detox Plan(yes, oh yes, available in Kindle version for a couple of quid) I outline a whole four week liver detox plan. It’s slow, safe and has amazing results. But really, you don’t need all that gumph. It’s pretty simple. First and foremost, cut out alcohol. All alcohol. If you can’t, then it’s fair to say, you’re alcoholic and will need help.

Second up, adopt a clean diet (so, no processed foods, no deep-fried foods, no sugar). A healthy liver can handle fat, no problem (and there’s nothing wrong with ‘good’ fat) but, if your liver is under strain, then be very careful. Rich, fried and fatty foods are not kind to livers. Think superfood salads, vitamin-packed soups, green juices, grains and pulses, nuts and seeds.

Once you’ve eased your body into this cleaner way of living for a week, you can launch into a serious liver flush for the second week. The liver flush comes originally from Polarity Therapy – I first discovered it at Fiona Arrigo’s Stop the World detox retreat, over 25 years ago. It helps to clear the liver, gall-bladder, kidneys and intestinal tract, and can help restore a correct biochemical balance in the body. It revolves around a breakfast shake that tastes mega weird but you swiftly get used to it. It may sound counter-intuitive to dose a fatty liver with oil but, trust me, it works. The only proviso is that, if you have gallstones or a history of them (or any serious health issue, come to that), you will need to take professional advice (this is my disclaimer, okay?). The drink encourages the expulsion of stones and, if they are too big, they can become trapped in the bile duct. Result? Agony. Been there, chewed the duvet, don't advise it.

Anyhow, that warning aside…let's go...

Breakfast - Liver flush drink. Combine three to four tablespoons of virgin cold-pressed olive oil or almond oil with twice the amount of freshly squeezed lemon juice. Add three to six cloves of garlic and fresh ginger to taste. Blend until frothy and drink immediately. Tip: glug, don’t sip.

Have it in place of breakfast for a full seven days.

I also prepare a herbal tea, from equal amounts of licorice root, fennel, peppermint and fenugreek. Add fresh ginger, lemon juice and honey to taste and drink after the liver flush to take away the greasy feeling. You can also drink this freely through the day.

Mid-morning- alkaline juice – cabbage/kale/spinach, lettuce, carrots and beetroot. Or try a turmeric smoothie - turmeric is a mega liver healer.

Lunch – alkaline vegetables, either fresh in a big salad or lightly steamed with ginger. Add a little dressing (olive, almond, sesame or argan oil with lemon, garlic, onion). Got dandelions in your garden? Bung 'em in - they're supreme liver pals.

Mid-afternoon – as mid-morning

Dinner– make it light. Either salad (as for lunch), soup or just some fruit (apple, pear, grapes, melon, papaya) with a portion of seeds.

That's it. Simple, huh?

Third week and beyond - Drop the liver flush drink. Widen your diet but keep off all alcohol, rich, fried and junk/convenience foods. Your palate should have adapted to cleaner eating so it should be easy now to avoid the crap. Does this mean you can’t eat yummy food? Far from it! Check out my Pinterest board for tons of delicious and healthy recipe ideas. And my Detox Plan board for more detoxing and liver support ideas.

PS - the emotion connected with the liver is anger.

PPS - apologies for the title of this post - I got a bit carried away - doubtless channelling Jimmy Osmond. Remember? If you don't, you really are blessed. If you do, my apologies for probably raising your anger levels. :-)

I’m wrecked again. A bit of a car crash. Limping on one foot. Typing one handed. Sitting is sort of painful. My ears are kinda ringing. But hey, in the scheme of things, it could be worse. A lot worse.

Let's look on the bright side. Because, as I said to James when he was whining recently, things can always be worse. I mean, we could be living in a prison surrounded by zombies, with nutjob psychos attacking us from the outside and some asswipe virus attacking us from the inside, and our own fears and anxieties attacking us from within our own minds, couldn't we? Oh wait...

There are benefits though. I mean, to being pretty helpless (not living in the zombie apocalypse). Kate came over on a mercy mission to sew on some badges for James (yeah, can’t sew - which, actually is really handy, so to speak, as there is little I loathe more than sewing). Rachel drove to pick up Adrian from the station (ditto). It’s like care in the community: if it goes on like this, I’ll get meals on wheels, a stairlift, a Winceyette nightie and a disability allowance. Wishful thinking, huh?

But really, it hasn’t been that bad, sitting in front of the fire, eating knock-down sushi from the Co-op, piling ginger on blobs of rice and balancing dollops of wasabi on top – one-handedly. And yes (how did you guess?) watching back to back episodes of The Walking Dead with James– both eyedly. Yeah, I get the irony. All too well.

James thought it was pretty funny. 'You'd be stuffed if we really did have the zombie apocalypse now, Mum,' he said, poking the fire with a poker whose end had turned literally red-hot. 'I mean, what you gonna do? Drag yourself away?' I raised an eyebrow (those are still working pretty well). 'Yeah, thanks, Coral.'

Anyhow. There came a point when I thought, actually this can’t go on. It’s self-indulgent. So… I went back to the gym. Because I remembered Mangalo at Yobaba Lounge (report coming soon on Queen of Retreats) saying that you don’t even need to be able to stand to do yoga - you can do it sitting in a chair; hell, you can even do it lying on the floor. And so, going on that logic, I figured I could still do the gym, even if I can’t run, walk, climb or cycle. Right? Right.

And I remembered my friend John who had Motor Neurone Disease. Right at the end, when he couldn’t even breathe on his own, he took up meditation, started doing self-healing. His wife rolled her eyes but he shrugged (well, he would have done if he could) and laughed (ditto) and said ‘Well, can you think of a better time to start?’ And, really, there's no answer to that, is there?

So I figured the least I could do was to lift some weights while I was waiting. So... Sitting. Benching. Lying. And it was going so well…I mean, it’s amazing what you can do with half a body (and a long gone mind). Until I picked up a 20kg weight and…er…dropped it on the one still functioning foot. Seriously, you have to laugh. You really do. Well, I did. In fact, I still am. What a bloody idiot, huh?

Anyhow, a few of you wanted to hear about Bridget’s eye exercises. They reminded me of my mother, actually, as Mum used to try all these natural methods for improving eyesight. She’d walk around wearing pin-hole glasses (she bought me a pair too but they just gave me headaches) and she spent hours staring at a Tibetan eye chart (she bought me one of those too but I admit I got bored and stopped staring.)

And then I got to thinking about how my brother used to stare at the sun every day, at sunrise, because he said it would improve his eyesight. My family, eh?

Meanwhile, back to Bridget. ‘It’s a real pity that we wear glasses or contact lenses,’ she said. ‘Putting glass in front of your eyes disturbs the light rays coming into your eyes. We are all depleting ourselves of sunlight and yet the whole body is affected by the amount of you light you get into the body – both through the skin and through the eyes. We need to use our eyes more intelligently.’

She went on to talk about how, when we develop our sight, we open ourselves to another level of creation. ‘We talk about God being light, so by bathing in sunlight we are sitting in God. We can create consciousness through light.’

She also talked about how, in Russia, they are experimenting with getting certain sensitive people to develop the ability to see with their eyes shut. Intriguing, huh?

But that’s probably beyond what will interest most of you? So let’s cut to the chase. These are the things she reckons will help you see without glasses.

Eyes deteriorate because our bloodstream is toxic so you probably need to cleanse your body. Dump the coffee and alcohol and meat and heavy dairy.

Sunrise and sunset are healers to the eyes: look at the sunrise for a few seconds to begin with, and add a few seconds each day (yup, just like my brother). Obviously you don’t do this with the full sun.

Splash your eyes with water during the day.

Don't wear sunglasses.

Shift your perspective. Look at your thumb – focus on the thumb print. Then switch your gaze to somewhere in the middle distance and then the far distance. Move between the two (this was one of my Mum’s exercises too). If you’re outside, you can do this by looking at the veins on a leaf, the petal on a flower – and then switch to a distant vista.

Next up, eye rotations (another one of Mum’s) – imagine you are following a clock so start at…well, wherever you like really – for some reason I always start at quarter to…and then go round. Then after a few cycles turn back time by going the other way.

Palming. Anyone who’s done a yoga class will be familiar with this. You rub the palms of your hands together really fast until you build up warmth through friction. Then place them over your eyes and open your eyes.

Last up…one my mother didn’t do. Get a bowl of cold water that’s deep enough to dunk your whole face. Breathe in and down you go, with eyes open. Now, staying under the water, use the yoga lock, uddiyana bandha, contracting and releasing your abdominal muscles for as long as you can. Bridget does it 100 times. You might manage three! If you don’t know how to do uddiyana bandha this link gives pretty good instructions. I wrote about it somewhere else on the blog but can’t for the life of me find it.

Why does this work? Does it work? I have absolutely no idea. But I guess it’s worth a try. If nothing else, uddiyana bandha is a great exercise (and supposedly trims the abdominal area, so even if you don’t get to chuck out your glasses, you could get a flatter tum).

So, Adrian is off on his travels again (Belgium, Prague, London, St Albans), leaving James and I to our own devices. This has, so far, involved finishing off The Walking Dead (we have agreed that maybe we need some lighter viewing having fought our blood-splattered way through a whole series in a few days) and eating Pecan and Chocolate tart.

James made the latter as the last hurrah for his Duke of Edinburgh award and it is disgracefully good. Okay, so the shop didn’t have pecans so he made do with walnuts and mixed chopped nuts but still…

Oh. You want the recipe? Fair enough. Here goes…

Pecan(ish) and Chocolate Tart

Rub together 120g chilled cubed butter with 165g plain flour and 25g ground almonds. Stir in 55g castor sugar and then break a medium egg into the mix. Work gently into a soft dough and tip onto a lightly floured surface and flatten (my grandmother would, of course, have washed her hands in cold water first, and used a slab of marble to keep it all cold). Wrap in cling film and chill for three hours.

Roll out pasty to about 3mm and line a greased 25cm tart tin. Back into the fridge with the little bugger. And we wonder why we all buy ready-made pastry?

Now melt 80g dark chocolate and 45g of cubed butter in a bain marie (you know, a bowl suspended over a saucepan of simmering water). In a separate saucepan combine 160g of granulated sugar and 235ml of golden syrup – stir like fury so it doesn’t catch until it is all melted. Beat together three medium eggs and whisk into the chocolate/butter mixture until smooth. Now fold in the hot syrup mixture, whisking all the while.

Add in a teaspoon of vanilla extract and 235g of nuts (ideally pecans but your choice – I’d probably eschew the mixed nuts but the walnuts are damn fine).

Preheat oven to 180 degrees and put baking tray in for about five minutes to get hot. Now place pastry case on the baking tray and pour over the nut and goo filling. Bake for about 40 minutes until the pastry is golden brown and the filling is set. Cool and eat.

Now then. Yes, it tastes delicious but, for the love of all that’s sacred, will you just LOOK at those ingredients. It’s sugar on sugar on sugar. The nuts are a saving grace (the protein will slow down the sugar rush) but even so… It has made my teeth sing and my pulse race and I've got the start of a killer headache.

So, let’s find an alternative. Something that is still really yummy but will actually help your body rather than sledgehammer it. So I asked Gertrud for the recipe for the energy powerballs she serves as snacks at Yobaba Lounge (report coming soon on Queen of Retreats) and here it is…

Gertrud’s recipe for peanut butter, banana and honey powerballs

1 cup ground almonds

1 cup ground walnuts or hazelnuts

2 heaped tblsp crunchy plain peanut butter

1 heaped tblsp creamy honey (ideally not runny)

2 dried bananas, finely chopped

1 tsp cinnamon

Juice of half a small lemon

zest of half an orange (optional)

1/2 tblsp coconut oil (optional)

Sesame seeds

Mix together all of the ingredients (apart from the sesame seeds). Don't be shy, get in there with your hands. Make sure the honey, peanut butter and coconut oil are well mixed in. The mixture should not be too wet or sticky, but hold together when you press it into form. If it's too wet, just add ground almonds. Form into balls (should get 20-30), roll in the sesame seeds. Put in the fridge for half an hour.

Inspiration: Instead of the 1 cup of ground walnuts or hazelnuts, you can add a mixture of milled seeds (sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, flax seed). To mill the seeds, add them to your high speed blender, and shortly blast them at top speed. You can do the same with nuts if you don't have any ground. Add other dried fruits and flavours - Morello cherries with raw cacao works a treat!

So, there you have it. Tart or ball? Up to you. Because there are always choices in life, huh?

So I was driving to Exeter, down the valley road, twisting and turning (on three hours sleep and a cafetiere of monster strong coffee because needs must when the devil drives – does that make me a devil? Nah, that really is inflation) on my way to a meeting. And I got stuck behind a tractor, doing next to nothing a mile but hey…no need to fret, huh? Because, as I always remind myself at times like this, you just never know, do you? If you push at things, if you overtake on a blind corner, or even on a seemingly clear stretch of road, you just never know what the consequences will be, do you? And it got me thinking, it’s a fine balance, isn’t it?

I mean, if we never overtook, we’d be forever stuck in the seriously slow lane, caught behind tractors all our lives, right?

Anyhow, the tractor went off towards the motorway and I could have overtaken then but instead I took the slow way, the winding way, and I came to a bridge, one that is only wide enough for one vehicle at a time. This one, as it happens...the bridge, I mean...

And there was a Toyota in front of me stuck out in the middle of the road waiting to cross. Just one problem. Facing him was a huge, and I mean really really really huge and vastly long articulated truck/lorry thing (what is the difference between a truck and a lorry?). But the guy just sat there, like this lorry was suddenly going to morph into a Mini and squeeze past him. So I reversed back to give him a nudge, a gentle reminder of what was needed here. But nah. And we all sat there like that for a bit until the guy in the Toyota finally came back to life and reversed…just a tad. And then a tad more until the guy driving the city on wheels managed to manoeuvre past and he looked down at me and I looked up at him and we both rolled our eyes and grinned and shrugged our shoulders and laughed.

Sometimes, when faced with a juggernaut, you have to accept that you need to back right off.

So I continued, trip trap over the bridge and the Toyota driver suddenly woke right up and morphed into rally cross guy and vanished in a puff of speed. Which was fine except …a sign. Not this precise one but one giving out the same message.

Oh shit. But hey, I thought, you never know, do you? Sometimes you have to take a chance, right? Even though the signs aren’t good. So I drove on.

ROAD AHEAD CLOSED. Another sign shouted. Hmm. Well, what’s the worst that could happen, I asked myself? There’d be a way out, right? Or, if not, I’d just turn round. I kept driving.

ROAD AHEAD REALLY CLOSED!!!! It yelled. Okay, it didn’t really say that but, you know…that was the gist. So I drove on. And on. And on. And the signs kept wagging their fingers at me and I kept sticking a finger up at them.

I was nearly at Exeter when the signs stopped. Instead there was a different sign. DIVERTED TRAFFIC.

You gotta laugh, right? All that yelling and then they divert me onto... the same road I was on anyhow?

Sometimes you have to say 'fuck it' and just keep on going regardless.

So, I got to Exeter and I parked and I wandered up to the place I was having my meeting and, hey, it was nice. Yes, this is it and I sat right off in that very far left-hand corner.

Ordered a mocha (I always kid myself that mocha isn’t really coffee) and waited. No sign of my editor. Waited a bit more. Then checked my diary. Ah. Right place. Right time of day. Right day even. Wrong week.

Sometimes it’s just the wrong time.

I laughed. Told the waitress what had happened and she laughed too. Ordered a green smoothie and drank it. Paid my bill and the woman at the next table asked the waitress what was in the smoothie and she told her and I smiled as I walked past and said, ‘It was pretty good.’ And she smiled and said, ‘I thought so.’

And then, because I’d drunk all that sodding coffee, not to mention the green smoothie, I popped into the museum to go to the loo and I was sitting there, minding my own business, musing gently as you do, when the bloody thing flushed itself. And I thought again.

Sometimes, sod it, timing can be a real shit.

Anyhow. I got back in my car and drove back down the windy twisty road, past the signs telling me the road was still closed (yes, in both directions), past the trippy trappy bridge (no Toyota) and home again, home again, jiggidy jig.

So, was it all a wasted journey, huh? A total waste of time and effort and space? Not at all.

Destination isn’t everything. The journey can be pretty beautiful all on and of its own account.

Don't you reckon?
Anyhow...it doesn't matter. I'll just go back again. Next week. Well...hopefully. Because, after all, you just never know. Do you?

So James and I were in the car and he said, ‘Could we pop into that bike shop in Tiverton?’ and I said, ‘Which one? The one down…?’ and then we got into a long and exceedingly boring exchange in which we tried to pin down the location of said bike shop, along the lines of: ‘So if you’re standing outside Smith's and turn left then…’

‘Where’s Smith's?’

‘Okay, so if you’re coming up the other way from Tesco…’

And so on and so forth. Anyhow… after we had eventually established the precise spot…

Nah,’ said James. ‘That one shut a couple of years ago.’

Well, stone the crows.

‘So which one? And where is it?’ I asked, negotiating the one-way system.

‘It’s opposite Heathcoat's.’

‘Huh? There aren’t any shops opposite Heathcoat's.’

‘Yes, there is.’

And, er, yes there is. Because there it was. A great big shop with THE BIKE SHOP in huge letters on it. And a banner. And everything.

I had never ever ever seen it. Despite driving it past it probably once or twice a week. Or, more accurately, I have seen it; I just haven’t noticed it. And it made me think how funny it is that we are so selective in our seeing, our noticing. We only see the things that matter to us; that are of interest to us. So Adrian’s world, for example, is constellated by pubs. My father’s was exactly the same. I, on the other hand, barely notice them. What do I notice? By what do I navigate? Well, I don’t really – I tend to get lost.

‘You just don’t notice anything,’ said James.

‘Not true,’ I said. ‘I’m the same as anyone. I notice things that interest me. Just like you.’

‘Nah. I notice everything.’ And he went on to list the businesses one would pass when walking into town from Tesco.

‘Hmm,’ I said. ‘You missed the antique shop. The beauty/therapy place. The delicatessen and the craft/gift shop.’

‘What antique shop?’

‘There you go.’

‘But who cares about antiques?’

‘Evidently not you. Now do you see?’

It’s the same with people. How often do we really notice what’s going on? How often do we really see them? We don’t see. We don’t listen. We don’t notice. We’re too wrapped up in our own selves – when we see people we mainly see our own projections.

And that made me think about television. About Grey’s Anatomy. I know, I know. Feel free to judge. But hey, even The Walking Dead has turned into a hospital drama now.

Anyhow…sitting there on the sofa by the fire it’s all so easy to see. We the viewers know Teddy (Teddy????) is in love with Hunt because the camera makes it pretty damn obvious. Just as we can see all too clearly that the guy whose wife got turned off life support and who was more than a bit pissed off to be told that the decision had taken ‘less than a minute’ was going to implode in some way, shape or form. But nobody else did. Because it can be hard, when you’re in the middle of living, to notice. We’re not Olympians – we don’t have that overview. Anyhow…oh why am I going on with this? Bottom line, sometimes you don’t notice things until it’s too late and by the time you do, you’re shacked up with Yang or half your friends are lying in pools of blood. Wait….no…yes…that is Grey’s Anatomy and not The Walking Dead. Heck, all these TV shows are merging into one. I really need to get a life, huh?

Anyhow, the personal aspect is a whole different Game of Thrones. Where was I going before I got Lost back there? Oh yes. Things we don’t see. What are we missing? Remember that old story about how when Columbus arrived in the Caribbean the local people couldn’t see the ships because they had no visual reference for a ship. All they could notice was the effect the ships had on the water – the wave effect.

Perception. Only seeing our own reality. Have you ever looked at those 2D worlds? Things like Flatland?

How a 3D object would make no sense to creatures living in 2D? And of course that makes one wonder about what we aren’t seeing? What is wandering around and through us all the time? So I started watching some vids on YouTube trying to find one for you (and me) that explained dimensions nice and clearly but I got lost in string theory and conspiracy theories and, for the love of all dimensions, five hour films on Satanism in the Music Industry and so on and so forth. But, anyhow…

Maybe we could just widen our eyes a little. Maybe we could pay a little more attention (how much would it cost?). Maybe we could all make an effort to notice one new thing a day? Not just the things that are right in front of us, but those that are peripheral, off to the side. Those things that are dancing at the edge of the corner of the eye? Perhaps then, we could train ourselves to see the unseeable?

So, I read somewhere that Sanskrit has 96 words for love. Persian has 80. The Greeks differentiated between three types of love. We have just the one word. Love. LOVE. LOVE for love’s sake! How can we be so deprived? So lacking in discrimination and imagination and…love?

That one poor overworked word has to cover everything from fondness (I love baked beans on toast) right through to total overwhelming (I can’t breathe without you) adoration. If I were the word ‘love’, I’d be not only confused but exhausted.

I mean… just think about it. Oh, wait, how can one think about love? Okay, just feel about it. So I made a quick list while I was drinking a mug of mint and licorice tea, the kind I love - see?)…and, you know what, 96 is just the beginning…

So, we have ...

1. Liking a lot love

2. Fond love.

3. Hits the spot on occasions love.

4. Dear old friend love.

5. Love one has for one's child (that one likes).

6. Disliked child love (yes, of course you can love someone while disliking them).

7. Duty love.

8. Familial love (combined with liking)

9. Familial love (combined with fundamental disliking)

10. Fuzzy warm feeling love.

11. Slightly confused – I like you more than I probably should – love.

12. Take your breath away love.

13. Slightly dazed and overawed love.

14. Slightly sickly fluffy New Age love.

15. Total lust love.

16. Wildly inappropriate love.

17. Love you have for someone or something that makes you feel somewhat embarrassed.

18. Guilty, secretive and painful love.

19. Hopeless lorn love.

20. Pleasure and pain love.

21. Bit bored love.

22. Taking for granted love.

23. Habit/going through the motions love.

25. Love that has gone past its sell-by date – slightly mouldy love.

26. Exhilarating frisson down the spine and throb in the groin love.

27. First sweet love.

28. Idealistic/courtly/on a pedestal love.

30. Misunderstood love – loving what isn’t.

32. Bruised love.

33. Making do love (while waiting for something better).

34. Comfy like an old sofa love.

35. Guilty and yet highly pleasurable love (yes, nuances between this and #18).

36. Forbidden love (can have an essence of ‘fuck you!’ love).

37. Decadent love.

38. Wildly depraved love. Yes, there’s a difference between decadent and depraved.

39. Innocent sweet love.

40. Adoring from afar love.

41. Spiritual love.

42. Religious extremism love.

43. Religious sexualised love (Teresa de Avila type).

44. Passionate rip your knickers off love.

45. Some days I can’t stop thinking about you and other days I wonder why I’m wasting my time love.

46. Only when you’re drunk as a skunk love.

47. Passion that has died but leaves traces of fondness.

48. Sad lorn despairing love.

49. Angry vicious stab you in the heart love.

50. Bitter and twisted stab you in the back love.

51. Maudlin weeping and writing poetry love.

52. Possessive love.

53. Controlling love.

54. Unconditional love.

55. Wistful sighing and staring out of windows love.

56. Protective I'd take a grenade for you love.

57. Half-hearted love.

58. Torn in half and thrown to the wolves love.

59. Projected love.

60. Deluded love.

61. Provisional love.

62. Cruel love.

63. Sexual love without liking.

64. Tender love.

65. Like an itch you can’t scratch love.

66. Dark tormented love.

67. Love you only feel in the middle of the night or on long journeys.

68. Dream love.

69. Second-best love.

70. Tantalising love.

71. Adoration from afar love.

72. Love for the idealised potential lover you haven't yet met.

73. Misplaced love.

74. Bouncy overenthusiastic love.

75. Revoltingly oversentimentalised love.

76. Fake love.

77. Smug love.

78. Deeply conditional love.

79. In love with the idea of someone love.

80. Love that is totally and utterly reciprocated.

81. Uneven love.

82. Dutiful love.

83. You know damn well we’d go crazy without one another love.

84. Very complicated love.

85. Soul mate love.

86. Push me-pull me love.

87. Love for someone you don’t know and haven't met.

88. Stalemate love.

89. Loving everyone and everything love.

90. Purely for the sex love.

91. I don’t really love you but I don’t want anyone else to have you love.

92. Simple joyous playful bounding like puppies love.

93. I love you more than you love me point-scoring love.

94. Over-intellectualised love.

95. Snobbish love.

96. Kept apart by circumstances love.

Okay, so this was top-of-head (should that be heart?) stuff and there may be some which are sort of the same thing and equally many more that need consideration. Not to mention the Love that passes all understanding...the heart-beat of Creation.
But hey...your thoughts?

Oh, and, if there are any Sanskrit speakers/readers out there, I'd be really interested to have a run-down of the 96 and their meanings.

As you know, my husband is a beer lover, a Casanova of the cask, an Ovid of the ale, a Mata Hari of the malt and hop (okay, I'm pushing it there). His job involves travelling the world sipping, slurping, tasting, testing, judging beer. Some say it's the best job in the world, but that would depend on your proclivities.
Anyhow, he has been writing quite a few books recently and this one, in particular (which is just about to be published by Jacqui Small, £9.99; $14.99) caught my eye.

World Bottled Beers - 50 Classic Brews to Sip and Savour

Why did it catch my attention? Maybe because it's shaped like a beer bottle. When I first heard about it, I figured it was a bit gimmicky but, you know, actually it's pretty cool. Put it this way, I don't read beer books but I keep finding myself flicking through this one. So, I figure that, given it's coming up to Christmas (sorry, sorry), you might find it handy if you need a gift or stocking filler for anyone who likes the odd beer.

He's pretty good at the whole 'what it tastes like' thing. The quote on the cover from Stuart Howe (of Molson Coors) puts it like this: 'Adrian describes beer with romance, balanced by the razor-edged prose of a contemporary poet.' A troubadour of beer indeed.

Now, were I a beer drinker, this is the point where I'd pick out my favourite brews. As I'm not, I shall share my favourite beer labels (with some of Adrian's lip-smacking, palate pouting poetry) to give you a flavour and feel of the book.

The Kernel - Export Stout
"This luxurious moonless-night dark beer has an earthy mocha, vanilla-like softness on the nose; meanwhile the palate is touched by rich vanilla-chocolate liqueur and freshly ground coffee notes before an end of palate acidity adds a noble and delicious contrast."

Tiny Rebel - Dirty Stop Out
"The nose is a moody composition of mocha coffee, liquorice and smoke notes. This is a big-flavoured beer, with chocolate and coffee, more liquorice, a hint of cola and a firm bitter backbone, all rattling the palate before a descent to a dry, lightly smoked finish."

Wild Beer Company - Modus Operandi
"The end result is an earthy, chocolaty, funky, herbal, woody, vinous, cheery and balsamic vinegar nose, stunning in its complexity. In the mouth it is a case of chocolate going off the rails, with Brettanomyces in the train's cabin, an earthy sexiness, chocolate, cherry, soft vanilla and the sort of bitter finish that makes you realise why you like beer and want to keep drinking it."

Mikkeller - Monk's Brew (Bourbon Barrel-Aged)
"In the glass it's the colour of dark mahogany with an intricate twirl of aromas on the nose; vanilla, dark fruits, wood, caramel and a vinous hint. On the palate more vanilla adds a soothing note, while raisins and rip plums give a fruity tang as caramel and chocolate bounce sweetness off the palate."

Flying Dog Brewery - Gonzo Imperial Porter
"Expresso-black in the glass with a thick caramel/dirty crocus-yellow head, a riveting beer whose surge of coffee, chocolate, cola, vanilla, liquorice and ripe plum is balanced by a viscous, resiny hoppiness before its appetising bitter finish."

So, take a look, take a lick. World Bottled Beers by Adrian Tierney-Jones.

And, if you really want to push out the boat, you could double it up with Britain's Beer Revolution (co-authored with another beer legend, Roger Protz) which has just come out.

So, there you have it, Christmas (or birthday or just 'hello weekend') sorted for all the beer lovers in your life. Don't say I don't ever provide you with useful stuff on this blog.

Want yet more? Check out his author page on Amazon - here.
Or follow his blog...here.
Or catch him on Twitter...here.

One word. I’ve spent the Christmas break (in between barrages of exhaustive coughing) pondering on what my word is for the coming year. Why? Well, because apparently if one wants to change one’s life (presumably for the better) one should not focus on the externals (the new job, the new house, the new relationship, the new body, the new whatever) but on the feeling one wants. It’s all to do with intrinsic, as opposed to external, motivation (or so the lovely Danielle Marchant says).

Anyhow, it got me pondering. What is my word? What is it? When in doubt, deflect the question (that old journalistic trick). So I asked Kate and she planted her hands on her hips and said, firmly, ‘Strong. I want to feel strong.’

And I asked Sherry and she narrowed her eyes, pursed her lips and then said, slowly, sensually, ‘Passionate. That’s how I want to feel. Passionate. About everything.’

And it was tempting to nick both those as it would be very nice to feel both passionate and strong, but they weren’t right. Not quite yet anyhow. So I asked Jane, who had appeared on New Year’s Eve bearing champagne, tulips and seven loaves of bread (yup, seven. I’d asked if she could detour via Blackstock Road and pick up a couple of flatbreads but she had gone to Waitrose instead and basically bought up the bread counter). ‘What is your word?’ I said, as we sat by the fire (she glugging red wine and nibbling nuts; me mainlining lemon and honey and chewing garlic). ‘Hmm,’ she said. ‘Happiness.’

‘Nooo,’ I spluttered. ‘That’s too vague. What does happiness mean?’

‘Contentment?’ she suggested, tentatively. I shook my head, firm in my conviction that there had to be more. One shouldn’t settle for ‘contented.’ It’s just too…much like giving up somehow. Isn’t it? Maybe not.

‘Nope, sorry,’ she said, opening another bottle. ‘I just want life to be easy for once.’ And I get that, I really do. But it still wasn’t right. Not for me.

And so I turned to images, as I often do when words defeat me. And I found that there was a theme; that they spoke a different language – one, not of my usual earth and my beloved fire and water, but of air. And I don’t usually *do* air – it’s not my element at all. Yet there it was…

And I coughed again and had to stop myself laughing because, of course, what is a chest infection but a problem of air, or lack thereof? I even wrote about it in The Natural Year, my book on seasonal living. About how coughing is, symbolically, the body trying to expel anything it doesn’t want – not just mucus and phlegm, but old emotions – ‘of taking in new energy and breathing out the spent; of taking in hope and expansive spirit and breathing out everything that is stagnant and repugnant for the soul.’

And it came to me that my word, for now, might be Lightness. I need to feel light again. I've had enough of feeling heavy, and claggy, and generally golem-esque, a creature of clay, bound by earth. I want to fly, to lift up, to feel free and joyous and light and bright.

So. Light. That’ll do nicely. For now.

How about you?

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One word?